Saturday, February 18, 2012

Senior Citizen Stripper: "I Really Like Your Booty Because There Are No Hol...

Senior Citizen Stripper: "I Really Like Your Booty Because There Are No Hol...: Yes, this was actually said to me tonight.:-) When I started this blog, I wanted to alternate between writing about my very distant past a...

"I Really Like Your Booty Because There Are No Holes in It".

Yes, this was actually said to me tonight.:-)

When I started this blog, I wanted to alternate between writing about my very distant past and the present.  I've been busy lately. I've felt like my present hasn't been too interesting.  I also knew if I went over a week without writing, I would lose the rhythm or schedule I had planned for myself.  (The following is what I have been doing lately:).  I have started rehearsals for a pole dance recital that I will be in on March 31st.  I get to be a boy.  We are being paired off and little ol' barely 100lbs me, gets to be a boy.  How did that happen?  It happened because I was the only one out of 12 dancers who was capable of demonstrating an aerial shoulder mount that night.  There were others who said they could do it, or that they would be able to do it by/before 3/31 (recital date).  Now I am OK with this boy stuff.  But what got to me was that the "boys" will be dancing barefoot.  BAREFOOT!!  In the almost 30 years that I have been dancing, I have danced barefoot to only one song for a period of a couple of months.  In most clubs, dancing barefoot is strictly not allowed!  Not only that, but I'm the tiniest one in this thing!  And..we have to flip our "girl" on to the pole using only our wrists/hands!  Most of those girls are a lot bigger than me and my right wrist had issues for nearly 8 months.   It's OK now and I would like it to stay that way, thanks.

So, this is what I've been doing.  It's more grueling than sexy.  I'm extremely fit at this point in time and learning a lot of new pole stuff.  It's maddening, but fun.

So about not having "holes" on my butt.  One of the clubs I work in is a club in which the clientele is mostly Latin.  Many of them were raised speaking Spanish, so their English isn't perfect.  Most of the women that work in the club are also Latin  They all want to look like Kim Kardashian, hence there are a lot of fake bootys in this club.  So this man pointed to another dancer with round, full, firm, fake booty (but slightly flabby hamstrings) and said "I mean your booty and legs don't look like that".  I am taking this as a compliment.

Another dancer and I were talking about the weirdness of our club.  It's been hit by the economy, just like all the others.  However, it has the potential to be the best club to make money without ever having to take your clothes off.  I make more money here than I do at the topless clubs I work in.  But for some reason most of the Latins guys I encounter really feel the need to grab what they are not suppose to grab during a dance.

Hmm...maybe it's just me..

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Youth & Beauty vs. Je Ne Sais Quoi"

(This sort of sucks since I am writing this from my iPad, original generation ).

After three. Months or so of working at The Pink Poodle, I had shed my chubbiness by working out, eating sparsely and unfortunately snorting my way down to a very girlish 93 lbs or so. My unruly hair had grown longer. My breasts kept their perky B cups. (At that time, I was told I had the breasts photographers dreamed of photographing. But this was the early 80's. Implants had not taken over the industry...yet.). I also had 'Brooke Shields' brows, naturally. I was young, but was told that in certain angles and lights , I could pass for 14. (Creepy, I know. But in this business youth helps). I. WAS. CUTE.

I was. I was making decent money,building up a clientele, being responsible and even starting and IRA.

One night, I believe it was a Sunday, there was only a few dancers working. Two of them were much older than me and I was (we're talking needing little make up and being seen in daylight terms) the cutest by far. Iwas following this older dancer (early to mid thirties) called "Carrie". She was tall, blond, skinny, not particularly toned. She wasn't ugly, but you could tell she really liked the sun for a few years and Botox hadn't been invented for facial usage yet (it may have still been the poison a person could have ingested while eating a can of peaches or whatever). So, she wasn't the fresh faced cutie that I was at that time.

But the bitch made money! Me? I had to follow her. I was doing poorly:-(. (Remember, no laps dances here in the summer of '82, only stage sets). I just didn't understand.

There were about 15 of us house girls. I ranked around #3 or 4 out of the bunch. I could have understood if I had to follow the flawless Tia, the very pretty Crystal or the Latin sex bomb Precious.

But this was Carrie. She wasn't a house girl, but an older returning dancer. They introduced her as "The Human Tornado" because she moved so fast. I couldn't believe I was doing so badly. I felt so inferior. So ugly. I went in the back and broke down crying. Dan, the asst. manager found me. He gave me a hug and convinced me that I was not the failure I thought I was. He told me that most of those men were Carrie's regulars. I still didn't get why they would still be into this worn out, older "leather face"! (Btw,I started wearing sunscreen religiously on my face, rain or shine at 22. Trust me, it works. You should see my contemporaries, if they're still around, lol). He told me that her regulars found her sexy and alluring. I still didn't get why. I was so obviously, younger, cuter and in way better shape! (Around this time, the other younger dancer who had been in the business longer than me popped in and proceeded to lecture me on how in was egotistical to think I was better than this dancer, and what was so great about me anyway, et.). So, I started crying again. Dan told Celeste to get lost for a while. He then proceeded to tell me that Carrie made these men feel comfortable, special, sexier or downright horny. He explained to me that it wasn't always about "the pretty". Of course I responded with something like 'then why should I even bother putting on make up, shaving my body, learning how to be graceful,et.  He said I shouldn't neglect myself but just realize that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry and aura.

At the end of the night, I still didn't get it, but I had stopped crying.  In fact for years I didn't get it.  When I went on to work in other clubs, in different states and countries; there was always this somewhat unattractive dancer who banked more than me, consistently.  Se la vie, right?

So, now there is probably some young dancer crying because I'm the old bitch is banking and how could this happen to her because she is way hotter and way younger than me?? (LOL).

(Actually, this did happen when I was dancing with a 17 yr. old with a fake id and I was 25.  She was having a bad day and I wasn't and she couldn't believe it because I was so OLD!.  But she had a baby and although super pretty, her breasts looked like wrinkled, scrambled eggs.  I was "old" but my titties were perky:-)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Senior Citizen Stripper: "Punk Rock Night" at a club I worked in last week....

Senior Citizen Stripper: "Punk Rock Night" at a club I worked in last week....: I was really exited to work the themed "Punk Rock Night" at a little topless stage club I work in from time to time. This particular themed...

"Punk Rock Night" at a club I worked in last week.

I was really exited to work the themed "Punk Rock Night" at a little topless stage club I work in from time to time.  This particular themed night started nearly 2 years ago.  I've been a punk rock fan for a long time and had really wanted to work the famed theme night, but my schedule had not permitted it until last week.

I was so-o-o-o looking forward to it.  I agonized over what was in my ipod.  Wondered if The Horrors would have been considered punk even though they've only been around since '05.  Was John Lyndon still considered a punk rocker after he broke up The Sex Pistols and formed PIL?  Oh!  So much attention to detail:-)

I put a lot of time and detail into my outfit for the night: British Union Jack Flag 8in platform boots, union jack themed bikini w/ anime girls on it, red thigh highs, long, flat ironed "emo hair", chain dog collar, dagger  I had the look and the music.  I was pumped!

When I get there, there are only 4 dancers (small club) and only one of them looks anything close to punk rock.  I listen to the music the other girls are playing.  Iggy Pop?  Yeah, thats' kinda punk.  The others are playing more rock.  So I compromise and throw down the new version of "The Immigrant Song" by Trent Reznor and Karen O.  I do ok.  (Btw, this is mostly a stage club).  I am also a bit perplexed by the lack of punk, since the DJ says to me "You are aware that this is punk rock night, aren't you?"  (Umm...duh.  Look at the way I'm dressed).  Sheesh!

When I'm up again, I pick the Ramone's "Airwaves".  I do ok again.  But I keep hearing Greenday and White Stripes.  GD is not punk.  They are merely influenced by it.  White Stripes, debatable.  But I'm feeling the vibe.

Once again, it's my turn.  I go full punk and play The Sex Pistols "Pretty Vacant".  BLANK.  STARES. VERY. LITTLE. TIPS.

After this, I talk to the manager.  She said when she was dancing and they had started punk rock night almost 2 years ago.  It was profitable and fun.  The DJ knew his punk and the dancers dressed accordingly.  (Then I heard Nirvana??!).

So, I ended up way compromising: changed my outfit, played Hole, The Kills and other punk wannbe bands and did better.

But what really got to me is when i heard....JAY-Z!  Jay-z???  Ok, I like him.  I have some of his music downloaded.  But since when is "99 Problems and Bitch Ain't One" a punk song??  Since when is Jay-Z punk rock???

I worked that night to get away from rap.  Just for one night.

Did you know that punk doesn't even come up when you go to the genre section on iTunes??

I guess punk rock is dying, but punk rock night at that NoHo club is def dead:-(.